You are peace and from You comes peace

I am back! If you were unaware, I was just doing itikaf and right before I left my computer charger cable died and we just bought a new one (which was highway robbery… 104 dollars with taxes for a charger… really, apple?) and I am now in New York and going to be in Virginia tomorrow, then Washington DC for a few days, then back to Ontario. It is an adventure. 

Today has been great, though. I woke up after a few hours of sleep at 8 to go to eid prayers, then we left and I slept most of the day and woke up only to throw a tantrum because my blood sugars were low and I wanted to stop for food and I was sleepy and turned into Betty White for a few minutes. And then we stopped at Cracker Barrel which, for those of you who do not know, is a good ol’ homestyle restaurant in the States where macaroni and cheese is listed as a vegetable and I had two fried chicken breasts the size of my face and some mac&cheese and now I am lounging in a hotel that sells Ben&Jerry’s in the lobby. 

Quite a bit better than last year’s eid, if I do say so myself. 

I haven’t updated this in a long time. This is very TMI, but I’m menstruating. For those who don’t know, Muslim women do not pray their five daily obligatory prayers (although they can still make supplication to God) and they don’t fast during this time. 

My iman has just plummeted. I feel so sad at Tarawih when everyone else is praying and I am sitting at the side. I feel so sad when my adhan goes off for iftar but I do not need to break my fast. I feel so sad when I’m having cramps that are 10x worse than my hunger pains and I wish I could trade and have them instead. 

I want to talk about God’s mercy, though, because it has really been on my mind lately. We are told that during this beautiful month, the gates of Heaven are opened. Not a single one is closed, and likewise, the gates of Hell are closed and every single night God frees some people from the fire. SubhanAllah. 

In another hadith, we are told that on the Day of Judgement if we do not see someone, we may go into the fire and remove anyone who has an atom’s weight of faith in their hearts. 

In the Qur’an, Allah SWT is referred to as Al-Rahman (The Almighty) 57 times. He is referred to as Al-Raheem (The All Merciful) 114 times. His mercy is mentioned twice as many times as his greatness and power. 

I pray for everyone who is struggling with low iman in this month. May Allah SWT increase it within you. 

It breaks my heart that even during Ramadan, Muslims still feel as if they can continue arguing and insulting each other. Whether you are sunni or shia or salafi or sufi, aren’t you all fasting together? Aren’t you all feeling the same shame and striving for closeness with your Creator? And I know many people are thinking “it doesn’t count because they’re not Muslims because they do ____ differently” but I encourage you to remember that being a Muslim is not about how you fold your arms while you pray or how you wear your hijab. Islam begins in your heart when you bear witness that there is none worthy of worship except Allah and Muhammad is His servant and messenger. And humans can not judge what is in someone’s heart. Only God can.

InshaAllah you won’t find me telling someone whether they are a true believer or not. On the day of judgement I will answer to many things, but spreading lies about another Muslim or calling a Muslim a non-believer will not be one of them.

It makes me so ashamed to call myself a Muslim when I see this. It makes me want to leave the deenbecause I do not want to be part of the same religion with such self-righteous bigotry. 

If you continue saying even one bad word about your fellow brothers and sisters, you are just as bad as cannibals in the eyes of our Lord. God has no use for you to give up food if you do not give up your ill speech. 

As all reverts will tell you, Ramadan is horribly lonely. There is no one to eat suhoor with you, or break your fast with you. More often than not you’re breaking your fast with leftovers. There’s no big family gatherings or decorating or gifts. Sometimes your family even prevents you from eating suhoor or tries to make you eat throughout the day. I think some people who were born into Islam underestimate just how hard it can be for us. 

My biggest difficulty is criticism, alhamdullilah. My family accepts it and even tries to help me by not talking about food and they don’t try and prevent me from fasting, they just don’t really think it’s necessary. They think it is unhealthy (even though I drink more water in a 24 hour period than they do) and they think that it’s ignorant and about starving and punishing yourself, etc. I find that difficult because they won’t even listen to what Ramadan is and truly means.

I pray that Allah swt will ease the difficulties of reverts and comfort us, and I pray that He will bless the entire Ummah and use this wonderful month to strengthen us and bring us closer to Him. 

In regards to my goals: I’m lagging a bit behind on my Qur’an schedule but inshaAllah I will catch up tonight. And memorizing prayers in Arabic is going great as well, alhamdullilah. 

RAMADAN MUBARAK! I hope this month is a blessing to each one of you and your families.

Today was a bit of a difficult day. For me, the first day of fasting is always the absolute worst. I’m tired and my stomach hurts and I’m thirsty and just generally not comfortable. Alhamdullilah for it, though. Alhamdullilah that this is a contrast to how my life usually is, when I have enough food and clean water to drink. Alhamdullilah that I do not live with chronic pain. Alhamdullilah that I live somewhere where I am free to worship in this way. Alhamdullilah.

This month is truly about cleansing for me. It’s a month in which I must confront my own self without the interference of the devils. It is incredibly humbling to think that in this month, the Shaytan is locked away, so what do your sins say about your own soul? I must confront my laziness, my gluttony, my cursing, my greed and there must be a time when I finally find myself empty of the nafs so that Allah swt may fill me with His goodness, His love, His blessings. 

It’s a beautiful month in which His blessings are exponentially increased and where you and your brothers and sisters are all reaching toward Allah swt in unison. Sunni, Shia, and Sufi alike. We are all searching for Him, putting Him above our worldly comforts and our own agendas. It is a time in which we are all hungry and humbled and searching for that relationship with Him. 

I pray that we all utilize this month to strengthen our relationship with our Creator. 

InshaAllah I will cross these off as I complete them. I would like to:

• Memorize 6 new surahs
• Memorize my prayers in Arabic
• Complete the Qur’an
• Pray Tarawih 4/7 of the time 
• Abstain from impure thoughts as much as possible

Let’s defeat the nafs! We can do it!

This might sound dumb whats Ramadan?

It doesn’t sound dumb at all. Ramadan is the ninth month in the Islamic calendar. We (Muslims) believe that the Prophet Muhammad SAWS first received the revelations of the Qur’an during this month so we fast for the entire month. Fasting, for Muslims, is abstaining from food, drink, sex, and sins from dawn until dusk. We also increase our prayers and charity. It is seen as a very humbling act of submission to our God. :)